Revenge of the nerds.
About a million years ago, I used to work in child care. As a child care provider, you’re not supposed to play favorites, or treat some kids better or worse than others. But I totally did. I admit it. I treated all the kids in my group way better than the other kids because they didn’t act like senseless, loud little assholes like most of the other kids whose group leaders and parents didn’t give two shits about their behavior.
One such little asshole was an older kid named Phillip. When I started, Phillip was eleven years old, and a complete nerd. He wore his pants hiked all the way up his waist, so that you could see his socks, and he used to chew on his clothes (yeah, really). He had a sister named Andrea, so he always came in, snotty nose running, and would tell me, “You’re my sister! Hahahahahahaha!!!! She’s my sister Andrea! Hahahahahaha!!!!” Over and over and over. Real fucking funny. Or he would regale everyone with his Urkel impression, and just go around yelling “Hi dee ho, Winslows!” GodDAMN, this kid was annoying.
That was in 1994.
Today, I had to pick my sister up at the YMCA, where she works. And, since that’s where I used to work when I started in daycare, there are a few people I always stop in and say hi to. I was standing at the counter talking to the receptionist, and I saw this GORGEOUS guy walk in. So, so pretty this boy was. So there I was, drooling like a moron, when my sister walked up. She saw me staring at the cute boy, and told me that he worked out there all the time, and that she had talked to him a few times.
A few minutes later, I was involved in conversation with my old boss, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and there was the hot guy, smiling at me. I looked at him for a minute, and didn’t say anything. I had a bottle of water, and right as I took a drink, this hot, young, gorgeous tan, built man said in a high, nasally voice, “Hi dee ho, Winslows!” Water shot out of my mouth, out of my nose, and I am pretty sure some even shot out of my ears. I nearly choked. It was Phillip, 21 years old.
I felt a little R. Kelly-ish for having lusty thoughts about someone I knew when he was eleven. I just can not believe for what a dork he was, what a huge stud he turned into. And, he’s going to school to become an engineer, so at least he’s not an idiot anymore. I wish my sister would hook up with him instead of that dipshit boyfriend she’s got now.
Hey, one good thing did come of those dopey MTV video awards. Suge Knight got shot at Kanye West’s after party.
He’ll live, though.
Darn.
And, proving once again that my damn commentors are funnier than me, Rocky wrote a little poem about my new boyfriend Lisa.
There once was a man named Lisa.
Andria’s ass, he wanted a piece-a.
He’s stuck in Bangladesh
Before he can get fresh
He needs to score a visa.
Hehehe.
I have listened to that song “Breathe Me” (the song that played during the last sequence in the final episode of “Six Feet Under”) about 85231548 times in the last week. I am totally obsessed with it.
What’s with the anonymous commentors? Do you want to torment me with your anonymity? Do you just not want to admit in public that you read this shit?
WHY?!
What.ever.
Comment by Pheebs
August 30, 2005 @
HAHAHHHAHA I worked in childcare for a while too…and it’s hard not to pick favourites, especially when some kids are so obnoxious you want to kick them while others are so angelic and sweet. what an amusing turn of events though…that wanna-be Urkel turned out to be a stud…somewhere out there, Irony’s having a snicker or two…