yeahimadork.com

I’m sitting here, watching Celebrity Fit Club. I used to like this show, but this season’s cast bores me. But I saw on the promos that the entire cast has a meltdown and freaks out and yells at each other.

I think I’m against this show because it features Tina Yothers, and I spent a lot of time in my youth having people constantly tell me, “Has anyone told you that you look just like that girl on Family Ties?” I never thought I looked like her, but the rest of the world did.

When I was in the third or fourth grade, there was this girl Kylie, who, for some reason, no one liked. And I really don’t recall her ever doing anything to anyone, but no one liked her. Except in the summertime, because she was the only kid we knew with a swimming pool. Then we all loved her (kids are so nice).

Kylie used to tell me ALL THE TIME that I looked like Jennifer Keaton. I didn’t even watch the show, so I had no idea what she was talking about. I just knew that the more she said it to me, the more pissed off I got (and I don’t know why, to be honest). I think I actually threatened to beat her up if she didn’t let up on the Jennifer Keaton shit.

I’m really curious now why I was so angered by her telling me that I looked like someone on tv.

Ok, this Angie Stone is getting on my last fucking nerve. What a cry-baby.

She’s making excuses because she’s lazy and out of shape. I know, because I’ve made (and sometimes still make) all of those same excuses, and then some. She says she can’t walk because she had congestive heart failure. And that’s not entirely correct. I had CHF in 1997 (have I ever talked about that here? I don’t think so. Surprise! I had an enlarged heart!), and from the minute I was discharged from the hospital the doctors told me that I needed to EXERCISE to help my heart heal (in addition to about 17 pills a day). And the best exercise for someone extremely overweight is walking.

She was also smoking! Jesus. Stop whining and put the fucking carrot cake down, bitch (she also ate a pastrami sandwich right in front of the doctor, which is ALL salt, and a heart patient is not supposed to have any salt, let alone fatty meat). I’ve only seen two episodes of this show and I’m already sick of her.

---

I’m concerned about my friend’s health. She has always been a big girl, but since she had her son in 2004, she has put on probably about 75 pounds. She has always been lazy, but now it’s worse. She comes home from work every day, cooks dinner, and puts the gate up to keep the kid locked in the living room, and watches tv until she goes to bed. When we go anywhere that there’s no close parking, she always makes her husband drop her off at the door and then he goes and parks the car. A few weeks ago, there was a birthday party, and Kay and DMX had to park about two blocks from the bar where the party was being held. Kay said when they got there, she was drenched in sweat, and so out of breath that Kay was worried she was going to have a heart attack.I’m not one of those people who think that something that’s happened to me is happening to someone else the minute something goes wrong, but it’s pretty clear her weight is inhibiting her health in a bad way. She’s retaining water, she can’t walk, she can’t breathe, and now her cycle is messed up, and she’s taking a hormone to create her menstrual cycle (which I also had to do). I’m very worried about her, because I don’t think she thinks anything is wrong (or, if she’s like me, she’s in denial, in which case she’ll make it WAAAAAAAAAY worse), so she won’t go the doctor.

Kay and I have talked in detail about this, and I think we’re going to sit down with her and encourage her to see her doctor. The only thing is, at times like this, she feels like she’s being attacked, and freaks out. We’re going to have to approach this very delicately, I think.

---

Oh my god. Next week they’re bringing back that kook Gary Busey. He told the Fit Clubbers that they have the “victory juice.”I wonder if that tastes better than pimp juice?

Does it make me a bad person that I get this much enjoyment from watching Flavor of Love?

Jesus, I’ve become such a reality whore.