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As with most things, I didn’t get on the Heroes train right away. I got tired of hearing all the hype, so I when I was clicking around Netflix and saw that there is a “season catch-up” DVD to rent, I added it to the top of my queue so I could be all caught up for the new episode that aired Monday.

The DVD was about ten minutes total, and didn’t tell me shit. I know more from the commercials that air during the week than I got from the “catch-up” DVD.

Stupid NBC.

Have you noticed the lack of Celestia stories recently? That’s because I think I’ve figured out how to keep her psychotic episodes at bay (of course, you realize that now that I’ve made that statement, she will go batshit crazy on me tomorrow). I’ve found that if I engage her in some stupid little conversation once a day, she stays out of my way, and doesn’t get all Bitchy McCrankyWhore on me.

For example, today, I had a completely moronic conversation about her wedding invitations. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what she told me, because during most of it, I was daydreaming, and thinking about the fact that I haven’t had sex since September, and how more than anything (well, not the sex, that is), I wanted a Double Double with cheese, and to find out that my tax refund was deposited in my checking account, only to get depressed when I realized that the whole thing is going to pay bills.

I figure if I waste three or four minutes a day with this nonsense, I don’t go home wanting to kill everything I see because she’s made me so angry.

I’ve become very nosy about something at work, that’s really none of my business, but I really want to know.

One of my co-workers started going to the gym and eating better about six or seven months ago, and dropped about forty pounds. About a month ago, I realized that her husband hadn’t called the office in a really long time. He used to call several times a day, and now, nothing.

To me, it seems pretty obvious she’s separated, but she hasn’t said anything about it, and if she’s told others in the office, it hasn’t gotten out (and that’s rare, because nothing stays quiet in that office). I know it makes me sound like a nosy motherfucker, but I really just want to ask her. I have no idea what difference it will make if she tells me what I pretty much already know, but I just want to know.

At work today, I was in the kitchen stocking the drink refrigerator (I know you’re all jealous of my exciting job). The phone rang, and it was a call for Mr. Big Shot, the company owner and man who can buy and sell me on the black market if he wants to. His office is right off of the kitchen. I walked over to tell him who was on the phone, and I saw him at his desk with his head tilted all the way back, his mouth hanging WIDE open, and snoring. I realized that I couldn’t say, “Sorry, but Mr. Big Shot’s having his afternoon nap. Can I take a message?” I also knew I couldn’t go in and wake him up. So I decided that I would go back in the kitchen and clack the heels of my boots very loudly on the tile floor when I walked to his office, and I would call out his name from just outside his office, so he wouldn’t see me there when he realized he was asleep.

So I did that.

And nothing happened.

I decided I was just going to say he wasn’t available and take a message.

After I knew he was awake, I walked in and handed him the message and didn’t say anything. He looked at it and asked me, “Where was I? I’ve been here all afternoon. Why didn’t I get this call?” It’s hard enough for me to talk to him any time, let alone when he’s asking me questions and I know I’m in trouble.

So I did the first thing that came to me. I said, “I have to go get the phone!” And ran out of his office.

The phone was not ringing.

Enjoy.