Middle-aged women with C-section scars GIRL POWER!!!
Is anyone else excited about the Spice Girls reunion?
I know it can’t just be me.
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My adventure in the hell that is staying at my parents’ house continues.
I was sleeping the other night, and woke up to the sound of my parents having sex.
God hates me. I’ve decided this because this keeps fucking happening to me. I mean, I guess my parents assumed it’s safe to get it on at 1:13 a.m., but they probably failed to remember that I was sleeping right below their bedroom.
It was not good.
My sister is fighting with them every day, over ridiculous shit that I can’t believe they fight with her about. Mostly it’s about my dad making something for dinner, and her wanting something else. Bitchiness and silence ensues. My mom says “fuck her” and my mom says “fuck her”, which results in three or four days of my stupid dad playing middle man to these two retards.
My sister’s ex-boyfriend is now stalking her, and sending her text messages every five seconds, and calling her all the time. For example, she went with me over to Kay and DMX’s a few weeks ago for a BBQ, and in the four hours we were there, he called SEVENTY TWO TIMES. I’ve told my parents that guys like him can take a turn for the worst, and end up being very dangerous, but they dismiss me and chock it up to “young love”. Whatever. Seventy-two calls in four hours is psychotic.
He called her last night and screamed into the voicemail that he was sitting in front of our house, and wanted to know “where the fuck” she was and “who the fuck” she was with (incidentally, they are not together [this time] because she caught him with another girl). Right. “Young Love.”
I’m glad I’m 33.
I’ve declared to my mother that I will be going home tomorrow afternoon. If I had my way, I’d have been out of here days ago, but my mother begged me to stay longer.
I stopped by my house yesterday to get some mail and Ike was so happy to see me that I would have cried if I didn’t think it would hurt like hell.
I can’t wait to get back home.
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Today was a Being Bobby Brown marathon on Bravo. It was like Christmas. I was glued to the TV, enjoying the nostalgia of the greatest union of crackheads in the history of the world.
God, I hope they reconcile. And film it.
Who else is going to sing about biscuits and gravy and talk about poop all the time?
15 Comments »
Comment by warcrygirl
June 28, 2007 @
I never did get to watch that show so I console myself by watching Gene Simmons: Family Jewels. If I ever heard my parents bumping uglies my brain would explode.
Comment by Debby
June 28, 2007 @
I laughed at the parents having sex. I’m truly sorry. I have never ever had to deal with that travesty. Which is probably cause my parents didn’t really like each other that much. My fear is that I will hear my dad and step-mom going at it, which may cause me to just die.
Comment by DanjerusKurves
June 28, 2007 @
Your parents get laid more than I did in my last relationship!
Comment by Joey
June 28, 2007 @
You know what’s just as bad as hearing your parents have sex? Having your mom tell you they can’t have sex because your step-dad can’t get it up. I almost gouged my ears out with knitting hooks.
Hope you are feeling better, you big hoar! 
Comment by awittykitty
June 28, 2007 @
What was really icky was when my Dad introduced me to his future second wife and then that night I heard all this passionate screaming coming from the next room. I was absolutely cringing under my blankie! I didn’t even know this woman. Ick! I loved Warcry’s phrase “bumping uglies” though. Ha ha ha! That was really true in my Dad’s second wife’s case.
Comment by GoingLoopy
June 29, 2007 @
Your sister needs to get a restraining order…that’s NOT normal. And if possible, she needs to change her cell phone number.
As for the parental sex…that’s never a good experience.
Comment by Lando
June 29, 2007 @
think they were going missionary or something a little more exotic?
and i’m a little excited about the girl power reunion. not sure why, i’m not going to any shows, but i think the world needs them.
Comment by warcrygirl
June 29, 2007 @
Now that they’re gettin back together will they rename themselves? I mean, Posh Spice could be the new Scary Spice and Scary Spice could be Preggo Spice.
Comment by spark and foam
June 29, 2007 @
Posh Spice is due for a new name, one that reflects her startling bronze complexion and shiny legs. I am having trouble coming up with anything appropriate. Maybe “Malibu Barbie Spice,” but that’s not even funny. I’m sorry. I’m a loser.
XO
Violet
Comment by syn_ack89
June 29, 2007 @
If you want to hear about poop all the time, hang around new parents…I have a 4 month old and poop is one of my major topics of discussion. I said I would never be one of THOSE people.
Comment by golfwidow
June 29, 2007 @
I don’t think the former Spice Girls should be allowed to call themselves that anymore. It implies young perkiness that has long since passed them by.
Tell me what you want, what you really really want. (Answer: a nap.)
Comment by La
June 29, 2007 @
If you ask me about Sassy, then I’ll talk about poop…all the time.
Sure, what are friends for?
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Comment by Prolifique
June 28, 2007 @
“Who else is going to sing about biscuits and gravy and talk about poop all the time?”
That’s it. I’m moving to California and we’re starting a band.