yeahimadork.com

I’m still alive. My second surgery was a pain in the ass (and it was not a lobotomy, smartypants), but at least I know I’m going to heal in a (relatively) normal period of time and with minimal freakish looking scars (I’ll still have a hell of a scar, but it won’t look completely horrid, thankfully).

Thanks to my history of not healing well, every time I go to the doctor, I end up laying on the table while the nurse practicioner cuts suspicious looking pieces of my incision off and putting new stitches in. Thanks to lidocaine, I don’t feel a thing, but sometimes it’s creepy to be able to hear my skin being cut. It’s weird.

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OK. It’s time to talk reality TV. Big Brother. Holy shit, do I want to strangle that fucking Jen. She is jencredibly annoying with all her stupid jen- shirts. And I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anyone as self-centered in my entire life. My god, can that girl talk herself up. I thought it was very funny when Zack, Dustin and Mike played the “I, You” drinking game when they were talking to her. I really want her out of the house, but I’m torn - because if she stays, then I can get all my hate and frustration out on her. I knew the second she got HoH she was going to nominate Daniele, not because of her “negative sarcasm”, but because Jen was so threatened having a hotter chick than her in the house (and it wouldn’t matter what Jen looked like - her personality would ruin it). I wanted to punch her in the face when she told Dick not to touch her, and then told the other women not to let him touch them - like he might get off on it somehow. And don’t even get me started on her bikinis.

So far my favorite is Jameka. But I also like Daniele, Nick (even though he’s in the “Mrs. Robinson” alliance - and how funny is it that none of the tards in that alliance even know what “Mrs. Robinson” means?), Dustin and Dick. Amber’s alright, but she needs to shut up once in a while. Man, she talks a lot. Did you see her date with Mike last night? I think she talked for a whole hour. Jesus. Plus, it looks like her tongue is too big for her mouth, and some of the things she does with her mouth weirds me out.

I’m totally hooked on the Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. The first few episodes were pretty boring, but it’s getting better now.
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I’ve become a bad blogger. Thanks to being heavily anesthetized TWICE in a two-week period, my attention span has vanished, and I have no idea when I can expect it to return. I can’t read, can’t knit… I can’t do anything that requires any kind of focus. So mostly I just watch a lot of television. A LOT. I’m a total television whore, and even I think it’s excessive.

Everytime I think about writing an entry, and then I realize some stupid reality show is on, and I totally blow it off. I’ve also been keeping myself busy by hanging out with Kay and DMX, because they took off for ten days in Idaho this morning, and I’m about a jillion percent sure when they get back, they’re going to tell me they’re moving. I don’t even want to try and wrap my head around my best friend of twenty years moving to a whole other state, so I’m changing the subject now.

Last weekend, my friends DB and The Good Girl FINALLY got married. Now, since DB is the only person who is in my close circle of friends to have found this blog, I won’t go into all the details of what a bridezilla stress case The Good Girl became in the last few weeks planning the wedding.

They chose to do it outdoors at a country club in La Canada, just east of Pasadena and nowhere near the Pacific Ocean, which means HOT AS FUCK. They got married at six in the evening, and it was still almost a hundred goddamned degrees outside. Luckily, we only had to be outside for about an hour, because I would have not handled it well if the whole event would have been outdoors.

When we got inside, I quickly realized that for some bizarre, unknown reason to me, The Good Girl sat me and my parents at the same table as her extremely Christian, extremely conservative, non-alcohol-drinking parents. Her parents are very nice people. I’ve met them a few times, but I knew that my drunken, loud mother would inevitably say something incredibly inappropriate (at least I come by it honestly). The conversation was a little uncomfortable and forced at dinner, but when the dancing started, my mom was gone getting her groove on for the rest of the night. She had a few too many vodka and cranberries, and was getting a little loose on the dance floor, and she almost did a Britney/Paris/Lindsey and showed all her lady business to the wedding guests. She also tried to make out with the maid of honor (who’s a lesbian). She’s nuts.

Now I’m going to share something with you that you may not see very often. Something that I formerly dreaded, and only did about five times in the last ten years.

It’s a picture. Of me. In a dress. And for the first time in my life, I don’t look like a fabric-covered tent.

(I have this whole entry in my head about how much I’ve changed, and how my body is different, and blah blah blah, but I can’t really put it all together right now. And by now, I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing about it. I know I am.)
I drank WAY TOO MUCH Saturday. And I did it until four in the morning. I haven’t stayed up that late in I don’t know how long. I think I drank more gin and tonics on Saturday than I have in the last year. Needless to say, I was not feeling good when I woke up yesterday. Well, that’s not entirely true - I woke up around eight to use the bathroom and I was still totally drunk, and ran right into the wall, so that was fun.

I was a mess.

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I’ve been a bad blog buddy. I haven’t read almost any blogs in the last two or three weeks, but I promise when I stop being all ADD, I’ll read again.