yeahimadork.com

So, like the rest of the herd, I dorked out and read Harry Potter Saturday. My mailman/neighbor brought it over to me before he started his route (because he apparently knows what a dork I am) and I started it immediately. I took a few small breaks to eat (I’m messy and will end up with food on the pages) and to go feed Kay and DMX’s cats while they’re in Idaho, and I was up til almost four reading. I’m not going to talk about it here (god knows, I learned my lesson from the Six Feet Under debacle), but e-mail me and tell me what you think! I want to know what readers - not critics - think.
I had a very funny phone conversation with Warcrygirl about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a) her kid might be the most awesome kid ever (besides RAM, of course), and b) I now have another reason to go to North Carolina. The first of course, being to torture a certain blogger and brainwash his daughter with all of my Andria Propoganda and turn her into a Jeff Gordon-loving Cheeto freak.

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I haven’t been doing much lately, outside of my many, many doctor’s appointments. I have gotten out to the movies a few times, though. I took RAM to see Ratatouille (which is very cute, though not as good as Cars, Monsters, Inc., or Finding Nemo, if you ask me), and while we were sitting waiting for the movie to start, he said, “T, are we on a date?”

I laughed, and said, “What made you ask that?”

“Well, it’s a date when a boy goes to a movie with a girl, right?”

“Sometimes. But I don’t think it’s a date when the boy is 7 and the girl is 29.”

“T, you’re not 29! You’re 35!”

“I’m not 35, I’m 33 you little shit. But anyway, when you go with your boyfriend, then it’s a date. But you’re not my boyfriend, so…”

“Oh, yeah, that other guy is your boyfriend, right?”

“Which guy?”

“You know, that guy that comes to your house.”

Nice.

After the movie was done, when we got to the parking lot, I realized some buttwipe in a minivan parked so close to my driver’s side that I couldn’t get in. I told RAM to get in the back, composed a very eloquent note to remind him/her about his/her parking abilities (”LEARN HOW TO PARK YOUR FUCKING CAR YOU STUPID ASSHOLE”) and I got in the passenger side, getting ready to climb over, when RAM said, “Well, who’s going to drive?”

“I am, as soon as I get my big butt over to the driver’s seat.”

“T!! Your butt isn’t big!! Not anymore.“

Heh. I love how kids are so honest.

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I was very alarmed to check my yahoo email (which is the one my forward-happy co-worker has, so I’m guessing he passed it on) and find an email from Celestia saying:

How are you? Do you know when you get back to work? You’ve been gone too long!

This freaked me out, because last time I had surgery I was gone for THREE FUCKING MONTHS, and never heard a word from her (in fact, when I had to go the office to sign some disability form, she didn’t even look at me or say hello, even though I’d be in the hospital twice and out of the office for a month and a half). So I just sent a generic reply back that said I was looking forward to coming back, and that I missed everyone, blah blah blah.

So I get another message:

We miss you! If you feel like some new visitors, let me know.

I don’t know if she’s so elated to have me out of the office that she’s offering fake gestures of friendliness, or if she’s been possessed by the Normal Fairy and she’s being genuine. Either way, it freaked me right the hell out.

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Big Brother

Dude. How pathetic and desperate is Kail? I loved watching her squirm and run around to anyone that will listen about her alliance after Dick won HoH. Also, Jen endeared herself to me with her self-centerdness when she was in the diary room and said that she didn’t feel bad about the people on slop because she’d never had to be on it, so she didn’t understand. Then she said, “Is that feeling bad? I don’t know.” I’m almost starting to like her because she’s so goddamned stupid and full of herself. I almost want her to stay just so I can focus all my bitchiness on her. Amber needs to stop crying. Holy SHIT, does that girl need to stop crying. I can’t wait to see the veto ceremony on Tuesday.

Bret Michaels: Rock of Love

OMGOMGOMGOMG. If you watched Flavor of Love, you HAVE to be watching this show. It’s just as tacky, trashy, and boozed up as the first one, but this time with big fake-boobed metal groupies.This show is awesome.(Ass Monkey, you better be watching this.) The only thing worse than these nasty chicks is Bret’s obvious attempts to cover his fake (read: GROSS) hair under all those bandanas. Last night there was this cheesy phone sex challenge (awww, poor stupid Tamara), and he didn’t have the bandana on. YIKES.

Scott Baio is 45 And Still Single

This show is boring. Some stupid TV exec got the idea to steal the plot for the movie High Fidelity and use some washed TV star as the man who can’t (or WON’T) commit. The most interesting part of this show is how awesome his life still is, in spite of the fact he hasn’t been on television in well over ten years.

And he’s still hot. And, really - that’s the most important thing.