Better living through cults.
Ike loves the Jesus cup.
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In a fit of boredom at work this morning, I came across an online article about the top ten “secret” scientologists - which really weren’t secret at all. The list included:
Beck
Jason Lee (anyone who names his child Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf deserves to be in a cult that will steal your money.)
Leah Remini
Danny Masterson (who had the stupidest quote of the article [and that’s saying a lot for an article full of idiot celebrities praising a fucking CULT] saying, “I have always been in Scientology my entire life. Each service in Scientology is something I have added to my toolbox of data for living.” Toolbox of data for living? )
Greta Van Susteren
Isaac Hayes
Sonny Bono
Nancy Cartwright (voice of Bart Simpson)
Jerry Seinfeld
And, the last and most AWESOME secret scientologist - CHARLES MANSON. Anyone that recruits stupid hippies to go commit one of the most famous murders in history and then tattoos a swastika on his forehead is exactly the type of demented retard that I would assume would join the cult of scientology.
If I was some idiotic, vapid celebrity with too much money and not enough common sense (hello, Tom Cruise!), I’d run right out and join the same church that gives Charles Manson all tools in his toolbox of data for living IMMEDIATELY.
9 Comments »
Comment by golfwidow
August 24, 2007 @
I thought the whole “living in the United States gives us freedom to worship as we please” meant Americans didn’t have to be secret ANYTHINGS, as far as religion was concerned.
Unless they’re keeping it “secret” because they’re ashamed.
That says more to me about Scientology than anything they “admit” to.
Comment by spark and foam
August 24, 2007 @
This makes me want to bring out the most powerful thing I have added to my toolbox of data for living: my middle finger, upraised in salute to Danny Masterson, whoever that is. Add that to your toolbox, Danny!
XOX
Violet
Comment by nogooddaddy
August 24, 2007 @
On the Jesus cup:
I don’t know. We walked into the Craporium at South of the Border and saw a wall of mugs. I stopped. I saw Jesus. I immediately said, out loud no less, “I HAVE got to get this for Andria.” Don’t ask why. It just seemed that you would have no limit to the fun that a Jesus mug would bring. Although I think it may be more of a “Hay-Zeus” kind of mug and not actually God’s only son. I had visions of you taking it to work and having your coworkers truly wonder if you’d gone off the deep end.
And, DK was right…no HOAR mugs
Comment by Woman with Kids
August 24, 2007 @
Wait, Seinfeld? But he seemed so normal… Now I won’t be able to see reruns without thinking that deep down, he’s just as crazy as Tom Cruise. I’m so disappointed.
Comment by awittykitty
August 24, 2007 @
So THAT’S what I’m missing….Toolbox of data for living. Although it may be a blessing in disguise, since I think a couple of those you mentioned might be missing a few crucial screws.
Comment by Beth
August 24, 2007 @
Like it says on Cracked.com, Seinfeld has said that he took a few courses years ago. A biography of Seinfeld by Jerry Oppenheimer said that he was serious about it from 1977 through the mid-1980s. There’s no evidence of him practicing it since then, and he never appears at their celebrity galas or at fundraisers for their front organizations. Perhaps he got alienated (heh) somewhere along the line but is afraid to say anything against them publicly.
Comment by cardiogirl
August 25, 2007 @
Oh Jerry, no, no, no. Step away from the Scientology Jerry, save yourself. Run, Jerry, run!
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Comment by Smed
August 24, 2007 @
Wait? Seinfeld? If he’s a scientologist then he can’t make any more jokes about Jews, right? Isn’t that a bad career move?