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Things have been a little weird for me recently, and I haven’t really felt like writing about it here very much. It’s a lot of crap, and it’s depressing, and I haven’t been handling it very well.

Kay and I got into a humongous fight last weekend that came out of nowhere. We were talking about something that didn’t even involve me (in fact, she was talking to our friend DB, and I wasn’t really in the fucking conversation), and then I made one comment and she went nuts and started attacking me, and when I asked her where the fuck her comments were coming from, she couldn’t answer coherently (she’d had a few beers). Finally, after about twenty minutes of her bitching at me (DB had long since left, and DMX was hiding in the kitchen), and me screaming to defend myself against something that I wasn’t even sure of, I told her that I was going to leave because I didn’t know what it was about, and I wasn’t about to entertain her childishness any longer. She made this threat that if I left, it may be the last time we talked, and then made the comment that she’s not even sure if we’re going to be friends anymore. I picked up my purse, and said again that I was leaving. I walked to the door, and she ran toward me. I walked out, and she slammed her front door behind me so hard that she knocked half of her Halloween decorations over.

The second that door slammed behind me, I was in tears, and unsure of what just happened. I came home and cried some more. God bless Scott for listening to me blubbering about it and making me feel better, because I felt so low and alone at that moment after all the things she said, I would have been a wreck. Thank god for him.

The most alarming part of that whole exchange (aside from the actual fight) was that in the middle of it, when I was screaming at her to make some sense, RAM came out of his bedroom and hugged me, and put their new little puppy in my hands to try and make me feel better. (Also, that sweet, beautiful little dog died five days later, which also contributed to me feeling pretty shitty.)

The next morning I woke up, still feeling angry and frustrated and unsure about what had happened. Sometime mid-morning, I got a long email from Kay, apologizing for yelling  and for coming at me out of nowhere. I won’t go into the details of what’s going on with her, but it seems like a lot of things that she had been suppressing surfaced all at one time, and I was the lucky one who happened to be there when she decided to explode.

We straightened it all out that morning, but a comment that she made in her message was something that I had wondered as well. She said that sometimes she wondered if we were friends simply out of habit - if we had just known each other so long, that being friends was just what we did, whether we were getting anything out of it or not. But as soon as she and DMX decided that they were moving to Idaho, I realized that I had way more invested in our friendship than just habit. The thought of them being so far from me scared me. Not being able to lay on the couch and watch bad TV and make fun of celebrities, to not have RAM call me on Saturday mornings to bring him pancakes when I come over, and to not hang out in the garage with DMX and drink beer and laugh scared me, and it wasn’t something that I wanted to think about. And I didn’t think about it. And, as selfish as it sounds, the move wasn’t as easy as they thought it was going to be, and they re-thought it, and aren’t moving there any time soon. And I was glad.

I love Kay. She’s been my best friend since we were fourteen years old. We argue all the time and she drives me crazy, but I love her.

Saturday, the girls and I took her to see Wicked for her birthday. I’ll talk more about that next time. And about the homeless man I hung out with and all the weird things he ate. Hint: they weren’t all food items. Enjoy.