I have been not very happy recently. So rather than wallow in it here, I’m going to talk about things that aren’t boring and depressing.
Of all the celebrity parents, I think Dina Lohan is by far the worst. It’s pretty painfully clear that her failed stardom is being lived out by her children. You saw what a stunning success she did leading Lindsey in the right direction, and now she’s got her other kid preparing to be the new fodder for paparrazzi and a frequent DUI-er/rehabber/whore/complete fucking mess.
This is Ali Lohan one year ago:
And here she is now, looking like Lindsey’s 35 year old sister:
SHE’S FOURTEEN.
Nice. I read some quote where she said something along the lines of “I want to be famous so bad. I have to have it.” I’m taking over/unders on how long until she and Miley Cyrus get caught doing crack and/or meth and then each other on some sex tape. (Miley’s parents might be #2 on the list of lowest forms of life in Hollywood, the way they’re all living off that little girl - that’s a recipe for success.)
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I knew when I saw him at the TomKat wedding that they were scouting him for scientology, and now guess what Jim Carrey said?
“I think there’s a whole new way of healing depression that doesn’t require drugs, but using supplements instead. I’m writing a book about it.” Hmmmm. Sounds suspiciously like scientology anti-psychiatry rhetoric to me. If only all the depressed people would just start taking supplements. Flintstones chewables are the cure, people. The cure!
Here’s the scietologists’ suggested prescriptions:
1 Fred + 2 Wilmas = cure for homosexuality (I have a feeling Tom takes a lot of this one)
2 Barneys+ 1 Fred = cure for depression
1 Betty + 1 Wilma = cure for infertility
2 Bettys + 2 Wilmas = Jada Pinkett’s fantasy
3 Barneys + 1 Bam Bam = Johnn Travolta’s fantasy
I love the scientologists.
8 Comments »
Comment by warcrygirl
March 17, 2008 @
Of course, if they want to cure EVERYTHING else on the planet they can go wild and get everyone to eat Spiderman Gummi-Vitamins. They’re Theta-riffic!
Comment by awittykitty
March 17, 2008 @
Its so much funnier to say I’m taking a Bam Bam then Topomax. I’d convert to Scientology just for that!! (feel better, kiddo)
Comment by cardiogirl
March 18, 2008 @
Must remember, 2 Barneys, 1 Fred; 2 Barneys, 1 Fred. Because so far Prozac ain’t quite cuttin’ it.
Think I’d OD if *added* 2 Barneys and 1 Fred to the Prozac?
Comment by nogoodadddy
March 18, 2008 @
We need to start writing a joint blog. You rant about Scientologists and I’ll rant about Christians.
For us, at least, it will be a gas.
Comment by golfwidow
March 18, 2008 @
I wonder what’d happen if the Scientologists recruited Ali Lohan?
Probably Tom Cruise would drop Katie Holmes for her. It’d be so refreshing for him to pick on a wifey his own size.
Comment by Violet
March 18, 2008 @
For years, I have been waiting, putting off getting a prescription for Paxil, telling myself, “Hold on, girl–soon, some famous physical comedian is bound to come out with a book detailing his insight on curing depression through supplements.”
At last that day is in sight.
Comment by Kristen
March 19, 2008 @
Ali Lohan = what Margot Kidder would look like if she’d aged well. She’s FOURTEEN? Holy crap.
And omg, I’ve been taking Flintstones all willy-nilly, not even paying attention to the combinations. What have I done??!
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Comment by joe to hell
March 17, 2008 @
you are a funny lady!
as for little lohan, i wonder why no one asks this: why is she a midget???? i mean, they are all taller than her!
i am no jim carrey fan, but I do love his ladylove, jeny mccarthy. i hope his inspiration is her health plan for her autistic son than wacky cruise and co. UGH
WORDDDDD on the vitamins…thats funny AND true
As for my knitting: i will admit that my whole profile is a joke. but, the one thing i wish i could do is knit! i have tried! but i do cross stitch and latch hook lately! does that count?