yeahimadork.com

Hey! Guess what! I upgraded to Wordress 2.whatever so I might have a notification plugin that actually works! Hallelujah, I don’t have to be forced to remember to send out my update email anymore. The only thing is, I can’t figure out how to import the existing list of subscribers over to the new thing, so either I can add all the names manually (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO), or you can all be the lovely and gentle sorts that I know you are and click that link on the right under “navigation” that says “subscribe to posts” and sign up again. (I don’t know why it’s there twice.) Do it. You know you want to.
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Poor Whitney Houston. First she marries habitual baby daddy Bobby Brown to quell all the pesky lesbo rumors, and ends up revealing to the world what a fucking batshit crazy crackhead she is. Then she dumps his ass and hooks up with golden showers expert Ray J, and he writes songs about having sex with her.

Whitney lets two guys bone her, and they both go public about her. The best part is Ray J’s eloquence as a lyricist.

Is that your wife
Is that your shorty
Well I’m her boyfriend
I think the problem is
you don’t beat it right
Making love is cool,
just pull her hair sometimes.

WOW.

Ladies, I don’t know about you, but my lady business is all tingly right now.

What troubles me most is what it is that he’s beating right. I mean, is he beating her vagina? And that’s arousing to her? I’m confused. Maybe if you smoke crack and drink an entire bottle of night train, vagina abuse and hair-pulling is hot.

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Part of the joy of my job is getting calls from irate customers. They always think if they call the corporate office with a complaint that I’m going to immediately put them through the CEO/owner, which NEVER happens. There is a lot of due diligence involved in what my company does, and the success of this company depends on it, so when these people call, it’s almost never our fault. But the client always thinks they’re the ones that have been wronged, and dammit, they’re going to the top!

Me: Good morning, [my company.]
Him: Yeah, I need to talk to whoever’s in charge of that office.
Me: In regard to what, sir?
Him: Look, I just need to talk to who’s in charge. Is that Bob?
Me: Sir, are you a customer of [my company]?
Him: Yes.
Me: Have you spoken to the manager of the location you send your bills to about your issue?
Him: Yes. I spoke to [manager].
Me: And she wasn’t able to resolve your problem for you?
Him: No, genius. That’s why I’m calling THE CORPORATE OFFICE.
Me: Well, SIR, we don’t have anything to do with customer-related issues at this location. If [manager] wasn’t able to satisfy you, I can transfer you to [VP] in our Chicago office, and he’ll help you. He handles client disputes for that location.
Him: No, I want to talk to THE PRESIDENT RIGHT NOW. What is the owner’s name of that company?
Me: Sir, he has nothing to do with the day-to-day operations of the company. That is what [VP] does.
Him: Ok, I see on your website you’re at [my company address]. I’ll just come out there tomorrow and talk to the President myself.
Me: Well, sir, you’re more than welcome to do that. But he’s out of town at a conference, so you may be wasting your time. Would you like me to transfer you to [VP]?
Him: HELL NO! Do you understand that your company is holding $20,000 of my money and my company is shut down? I’m flying out there tonight, and I am going to be there tomorrow, and you better let me talk to the goddamn president of the company. This is bullshit. Y’all got my money, and I’m out of business because of you. I will be there, and you’d better be happy to help me.

I love my job. I get to sit and talk to awesome people like that all the time. I’m about a hundred percent sure he’s all talk and won’t show up (the crazy ones always use intimidation tactics like coming to my office, calling their lawyer, etc.), but it would be totally awesome if he did. Although, if he really believes he’s been shut down by us, he might be all violent and crazy, and then I could be dead. Hmmm.