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I totally do not understand my friendship with Kay.

I’ve probably said that sentence about seven hundred thousand times in the last 22 years, and I guess I’ll never get it. But the fact of the matter is, it seems that no matter how pissed we get at each other, there is still something that keeps us going back to each other.

There are a lot of things I don’t like about Kay. She’s judgmental, a little bit snipey, lazy, and has no respect for work or education. She attacks people unfairly under the guise that she “tells it like it is”, but really it’s just to make the other person look foolish in front of others.

But there are many things that I love about her. She’s funny. And silly. We can sit and laugh about stupid things that no one else will ever find amusing except the two of us. We can sit and talk about things that we can’t talk to anyone else about. We have so much history. All my silliest stupid moments involve her. She is the friend I feel most comfortable around. I don’t have to have my guard up, or censor myself, or worry about saying something that will somehow offend her. But most importantly, with every dumb fight we’ve ever had (and there have been many), the thought of NOT being her friend breaks my heart, and I don’t know what I would do without her. As fucking crazy as she makes me, that’s the truth.

She has not mentioned tutoring again, though RAM has. Initially, I assumed Kay put him up to it because she knows I can’t say no to him, but she has sworn up and down that she hasn’t said anything to hom. This puts me in a shitty spot. If Kay would just say to me, “OK, I was wrong. I didn’t make my kid’s learning a priority and I was wrong. Let’s do this again, and I swear we’ll do it right this time.” I would say OK, and we could start again. But she hasn’t said that, and I feel like if I go back to helping him, then I’m giving in and letting her think that this shit is alright. And it’s not. But if I do nothing, RAM is suffering. I know they’re not doing anything to help him, because the Hooked On Phonics program she bought is still at my house, and she has made no mention of me giving it back.

Yesterday I was talking to my mom (who hasn’t talked to Kay since this happened, and said she’s so mad that she CAN’T talk to her - which is going to make our big group vacation in a few weeks LOTS OF FUN), and she thinks RAM is reaching out to me, and that he really wants me to continue. I really need to talk to RAM privately and see where he’s at. He’ll tell me the truth.

I hate this crap.

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In less angsty news, Sunday I went on a field trip with two of my favorite knit hoars, La and Fickleknitter. We drove around Orange County, bought some yarn, made fun of the chicks with fake boobs, and laughed our asses off. It’s awesome to find people who get me, and who have just as vulgar and immature senses of humor as I do.

I know because all three of us giggled like idiots when we saw this:

That day was totally what I needed.

In other news, I think my apartment’s haunted.

Yay!!

(Note extreme use of sarcasm.)