I feel the Earth move under my feet.
So, yeah. There was an earthquake here today. I do not like earthquakes, and I did not enjoy it.
After the shaking and rolling stopped, everyone was hanging around by my desk, including our favorite retard Celestia. My co-worker Old Andria made a comment that she could tell how bad it was by how big my eyes got. I almost had a panic attack (did I mention I don’t like earthquakes?), and was visibly freaked out by what had just happened. Dumbass chimed in and said, “Oh, that’s just part of living in California, get over it.”
OH NO SHE DI’INT.
This is the same bitch that was crying (AT WORK) because a better version of her fucking cell phone came out and she couldn’t get one, but she’s telling me to calm down BECACUSE THE EARTH WAS SHAKING.
So I said, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing you don’t have all those gall stones anymore. All that rumbling might have been really uncomfortable. You know. That were in your gall bladder. THAT’S CONNECTED TO YOUR COLON.” She had no idea what I meant.
CFO boss came back from lunch at the sushi place across the street from my office. He said, “I sat there looking at all the glass on our building, and my first thought was, ‘man, I am glad I’m not in that building right now.’ Pretty scary looking.”
“Really? My first thought was, ‘Is that pee running down my leg?’”
He laughed, then shook his head and said, “Andria, I think the part of your brain that tells you what you’re going to say before you say it isn’t working properly.”
“[CFO Boss], I’ve worked here for eight years. I can’t believe you’re just now discovering that. Sometimes I think you don’t know me at all.”
8 Comments »
Comment by Michelle
July 30, 2008 @
I was all fanfare and bravado yesterday until I felt an aftershock. That reduced me to a pile of goo who instead of sleeping, held the furniture against the walls by sheer will.
Comment by nogoodadddy
July 30, 2008 @
Wait…Gall Bladder -> Colon is no longer true?
I’ll admit…I did NOT think of you when I heard about the quake. Not for a second.
It’s as if I don’t care about you. Could that be it?
Comment by warcrygirl
July 30, 2008 @
In all the years I lived in CA I never got to experience a big quake; just little ones and of course those I slept through. I feel so empty inside. I bet there are no earthquakes at all on Celestia’s planet.
Comment by awittykitty
July 30, 2008 @
I thought of you when I heard about the earthquake. Glad you’re ok. I kinda miss them. I’ll never forget the time we had a small one and I worked at a newspaper and some twat called up and said she was in bed with her husband and felt the earth move. HA! I never knew if it was a crank call or not.
Comment by HRT
July 30, 2008 @
Yeah, why didn’t you call to tell somebody that you were alright? Some of us were worried!!!
Oh wait, you live in LA? I thought you lived in Guam, my bad.
Comment by Jen
August 3, 2008 @
I didn’t even get out of bed. Seriously. I put a hand on my husband and said, “Honey, earthquake.” I don’t think he would have woken up otherwise. Then we both just laid there while I waited to see if it would get violent enough to warrant my lazy ass getting out of bed. It didn’t. But it did last a good long while. But it just felt like we were on a boat or something. And yes, I was still in bed at that hour. I’m pregnant and tired all the time. I’m not sure what my husband’s excuse is. I’ll ask him. You have the oddest phobias, by the way. Planes and earthquakes? Why don’t you obsess over the real scary shit? Like bugs and clowns. Jeez.
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Comment by Violet
July 29, 2008 @
I feel you on this one, Ms. Andria. Not literally, like in a gross, harassment way. And I do have to say that your boss is also missing that part of his brain, as evidenced by his dumbass comment that he was glad he wasn’t inside your building during the earthquake. AND, I am so happy you said what you did to Celestia. I am feeling the post-traumatic love, apparently. Plus, I’m sitting next to the DUMBEST DUMBEST DUMBEST girl in the world, and her age-inappropriate man-friend, and I wish you were here to make sarcastic comments. That is all.