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*Every stupid year, the idiot red carpet people always proclaim this year to be a “return to glamour”. When is it NOT a return to glamour? Is it when someone from Iceland dresses like a swan? Just curious.

Not only is Angelina knocked up (shock), but she apparently dumped Brad Pitt for Robert Redford.

Your girl is lovely, Hubble.

So, the Oscars were just as boring as ever, with a few minor exceptions. Most notably, Marion Cotillard winning the best actress award for her role as Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose. If you are a fan of good acting AT ALL, please see this film. I can not express enough how heartbreakingly wonderful she was in that role.

That Javier Bardem is HOT. Do me, friendo.

I was also happy that Hollywood’s precious little darling Juno was almost shut out, with the exception of screenplay award. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t think it’s a bad movie - in fact, I liked it. I just don’t know if it’s in the same class as those other movies. Yes, it’s a sweet little movie about a girl who gets pregnant. And she talks into a hamburger phone and has a smart mouth and listens to music that’s way cooler than what you listen to. It’s kind of like when you read a few music magazines, and are fed that The White Stripes ARE THE GREATEST BAND IN THE HISTORY OF RECORDED SOUND EVER, EVER, EVER!!, and then you listen to it, and you think, well, this is good, but I don’t really get all the hype.

I found myself, again, screaming at the idiot producers who cut off winners’ acceptance speeches because there wasn’t enough time because of all of the fucking stupid clip montages that had to be shown. I really wish that it would be just red carpet, awards, five (usually crappy) songs, and send everyone home. I don’t give a fuck about previous winners, ceremonies, dead people (sorry Brad Renfro, I guess you don’t count in Hollywood), the dorks at Price Waterhouse Whatever who count the ballots, interpretive dance sequences, an explanation of the rules, etc. GET RID OF THE CRAP. All I want to see is pretty dresses (although I really wish people didn’t have stylists and had to choose for themselves, then it would at least be interesting) and bloated egos congratulating themselves on being the masters of the universe.

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So, remember when I thought my body was trying to catch on fire from the inside, and I didn’t know why? Well, the morning before I left for Virginia, I had a flare-up (for lack of a better term) in the car on the way to work. I had told my boss about the first episode, and she mentioned it might be an allergic reaction. I told her I’m not allergic to anything, but I did just switch to a different detergent, and that first episode happened right after I did laundry, and got detergent on my hands.

When I got to work after the second episode, I realized I had a sweater on that was in that load of laundry, so we decided that it must be that. On my way home that night, with no time to spare, seeing as how I hadn’t packed for the flight I was supposed to be on in twelve hours, I stopped at Target and bought a big bottle of Tide (a detergent I’ve used consistently), and was prepared to have to wash ALL OF MY FUCKING CLOTHES OVER AGAIN.

After I had dinner that night, I went to take the biotin that I take to make my hair grow. I take A LOT of it, because I’m trying to get all my hair to grow back from my surgeries. I opened the cupboard where the bottle is, took three or four pills out of it, and just as I was about to swallow the pills, something that I saw on the bottle out of the corner of my eye stopped me.

You know what happens when you take too much niacin? Your face turns flush and your skin starts to itch. Your heart begins to beat faster. The itching may be felt all across your face and extend down your arms to your fingertips.

Oops.