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Doesn’t it look like Matthew McConnaughey went into a plastic surgeon’s office and requested an exact duplicate of Edward Norton’s head? WTF. I couldn’t stand it when he had that sweaty, stringy hair all the time, but I don’t like this new fake hair, either. It’s pretty bad that the dudes in Hollywood are just as bad as the girls are with the upkeep. Also, I think there might be a little manorexia starting, but maybe it’s just me.

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So, while I was cleaning the kitchen after lunch today, Celestia came in and said, “Ok, I just have to tell someobody!” Which means a) I prayed harder than I have ever prayed for anything to all sorts of deities I don’t even believe in that she’d be knocked up, and b) there was no one else around so she had no choice but to tell me. So I waited, eagerly, for her to tell me she finally found out she and that jackass husband of hers are expecting. But she didn’t. Instead she told me some stupid story about meeting one of their ex-friends for coffee on her lunch break so he can mend some stupid fight they got into.

The reason they weren’t talking to this guy stems from the reason all their friends bail - her. And she used the same shitty story she always uses when she pushes a guy out of the picture. That they were drinking, and the guy confessed his undying love to Celestia, even though the guy is one of her husband’s best friends. If I made a list of all the guys she’s told me admitted their love to her, I’d run out of paper, because she thinks everyone’s in love with her. And, while she has a reasonably attractive face and a fantastic body, after you spend five minutes talking to her, you forget all that and realize OH HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND WITH THE CRAZY.

Then she told me that the guy hooked up with some controlling megabitch after telling Celestia that he was in love with her and she rejected him. The girl was crazy (hi, pot, kettle… uh, BLACK), and wouldn’t let him spend time with his friends, and when he did, she acted like a twat to everyone the whole time, so they all just sort of stopped talking to him as a result. Then she said that the guy saw the error of his ways, and wanted to get rid of this broad, but she literally just won’t leave. He’s desperate to get rid of her.

So I suggested to Celestia what I think is a brilliant plan for this guy to unload this girl. Celestia said the girlfriend is always making him pay for things, and spend money, so I told her to have him send her away on a spa weekend. Somewhere like Palm Springs. Then take all her shit, throw it out, and change the locks on the house.

I am such a genius. Take that, Dr. Phil.

Well, I’m sad to report no crazed lunatics demanding satisfaction showed up at my office today. CFO Boss and I were strapped just in case, though. He was armed with golf clubs, and I was fully prepared to gouge the guy’s eyes out with knitting needles if necessary. But alas, the disgruntled client was a no-show. So we had to go back to being the corporate robotards we are instead of the kickass ninja assassins I dreamed we could be.

Oh, well.