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Last night, Kay, my sister, Kay’s sister-in-law (sort of) and I went to see Gwen Stefani.

Before the show, I had a couple (or three) of cadillac margaritas with dinner.

After we picked up the tickets, we had to get in line and let the security people look in our bags (am I the only person that thinks it’s totally lame to take a L.A.M.B. or Harajuku Lovers bag to a Gwen Stefani concert? I have one, but I thought it would be totally cheesy). We were standing behind a woman and her daughter of about ten or eleven, and I made the joke to Kay, “Good thing I left the gun in the car!” The little girl’s eyes got very big, and the mother turned to me and said, “That is just not funny at all!! Now you’ve scared my daughter!!” Oops.

After we got in, I continued my drunken downward spiral by ordering a double Bombay & tonic and sucking it down in about two minutes. Then I got another one. We sat outside and people-watched for a while (oh my GOD does Gwen draw the freaks, man), and I walked over to the souvenir stand, only to disappointed YET AGAIN that none of these fucking bands ever have t-shirts for plus-size girls. There were a lot of cute t-shirts, and I would have bought a couple, but they only went to XL - and that was a pretty small-looking extra large at that. Considering the amount of hefty broads I saw there (who were, unfortunately, stuffing themselves into terribly tight and small clothing), she probably would have made some more cash at the end of that day. But whatever.

Lady Sovereign was the opening act (thank god it wasn’t one of the nights Akon was opening, because I can’t stand that guy and his nasty music. I mean, he has a song called “I Wanna Fuck You”.) and she was pretty good. It was cool because her DJ had the bass up so loud that every time the bass beat I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I love it when it’s like that.

After she finished and the lights came up, we got more drinks (bad idea for Andria, and you’ll see why). When we got back to our seats (which KICKED ASS), I noticed people starting to stare at the aisle next to us, and I saw some girls I didn’t recognize sitting in the row in front of us. My sister and Kay both flipped out and said, “Oh my god, they’re on the Pussycat Dolls tv show!” And then they got in this argument about who was better, and I told them that even with my crap-ass tv shows, that show was pretty bad. The girls next to me were chatting them up, and Pussycat Dolls chicks asked if they watched the show when I jumped in and yelled, “No, I USED to watch Veronica Mars!!!Get a real job!!” (I have no idea where that came from.) They all looked at me like I was nuts, and Kay practically pulled my hair out of my head to get me to sit down, and told me, “You’re cut off.”

Gwen was great, and I knew she would be. We were dancing, and screaming, and singing,and it was awesome. Or, as my sister kept yanking on my arm and saying all night, “This is freakin’ AMAZING!!” We had fun. She was singing this song called “Wonderful Life”, and I totally LOST IT.

Shirley Manson from Garbage came out and sang the song with her. Aside from being a huge Garbage fan, I think Shirley Manson is pretty much the coolest chick in rock and roll. I love her. I went completely nuts and killed my throat for the rest of the night (which was probably a relief for everyone else around me).

When the show finally ended, I was exhausted, drunk, and sweaty. And I loved it.

Needless to say, I wasn’t loving it so much this morning. Oy. The pain. In my head.

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I’m streaming Coachella right now, and watching The Fratellis. They’re a pretty cool band. And, FYI, to any Kaiser Chief loving fans out there (ALBANNACH!), they’ll be showing their performance tomorrow afternoon at six PST. No, it’s not the same as being there, but at least you can watch it on your couch in your underwear and pee in your own toilet and drink FREE water this way.

I went to one outdoor festival type event a couple of years ago with my sister, and I realized that I am just too old and cranky for that nonsense. It’s hot, it’s expensive, and it’s non-stop standing for the entire day. I just don’t love any band that much.

Sorry, Tom Jones, but I wouldn’t even do it for you.