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So last night we went out to The Stinking Rose for Kay’s birthday. Since any big group event always ends in me writing why our friend Barney is such a moron, I’m going to regale you all again with yet another story.

As soon as Angela told him where we were going, he made Angela call the restaurant and find out if there were non-garlic items on the menu. When we got there, they brought bread for the table. Some of the rolls had little garlic shavings baked on top, and some didn’t. He grabbed three rolls (of six) off of the plate, and looked for butter. There was a dish with some olive oil, chopped garlic, and parsley, and it was GOOD. But Barney has to have butter. And a lot of it. So he told our waitress FOUR TIMES that he wanted butter.

When the waitress came back to take our order, Barney told her that he wanted steak, cooked with NO garlic, and regular mashed potatoes (garlic mashed potatoes came with the entrees). The waitress told him that they only have garlic mashed potatoes, and that they’re mild, and not too intense. His only other option was some steamed vegetables, and, well, I think his body would go into shock if he ate a vegetable that wasn’t either deep-fried or covered in cheese. He threw a fit and told her that he’d take the mashed potatoes, but he “wasn’t going to like it.”

He didn’t talk to anyone all night. He was sitting across from Kay and I, who were in the middle of the table. It was a big group, so there were usually two conversations going on. At one end was DB, The Good Girl, Kay’s stepmom Bacca, and Barney. Onn the other end of the table was Kay, DMX, Briton, The Bitch, and me. So I kind of drifted in and out of both conversations, and I noticed that at no point was Barney ever involved in any conversation. In fact, the only thing I ever heard him say was when Angela asked him if he was alright, and he said, “No! It stinks in here and I hate it!”

When dessert came around, Angela wanted to share something with her, but he wouldn’t. He wanted an entire sundae to himself, and told her to get her own. The Good Girl and I told her that we’d share the one we were getting, but I could tell she was embarrassed that Barney was being such a childish glutton. When the desserts came, she asked him for a bite, and you would have thought Angela lopped his mother’s head off right in front of him by his reaction. Needless to say, she didn’t get a bite.

He’s such an ass. I swear to god, I don’t care how bad I wanted a husband and a kid, I’d never settle for a life with someone like that.

In better news, last night was the first time I’d seen The Bitch since she had her baby a few weeks ago. She’s not breast-feeding, so she was having her first drinks she’s had since before she got pregnant. After a couple of mojitos, she was on fire. She had me and Kay laughing our asses off all night. I told her that she’s much funner when she’s not pregnant. Then she told me to kiss her ass.

I’m really beginning to like this girl.

I’m watching a documentary from 1975 called Grey Gardens right now about a mother and daughter (related to Jackie Onassis) who were socialites, and then became recluses. It’s kind of sad to watch people losing their mind(s).

Speaking of such things, my cat Ike continues to drive me completely insane. I spent an hour yesterday cleaning my kitchen floor, and this morning I looked under the table, and way in the back in the corner, were about four turds. I have no idea what’s wrong with this cat. I guess I’m going to have to take him back to the doctor, but I don’t know how much more I can afford. I’m still getting over the $200 he cost me last week.

I don’t know if he’s just doing it to be an asshole, or if he’s doing it because the litter is irritating him because he has a mild UTI. Whatever it is, I am getting extremely tired of cleaning up his messes, that’s for sure.

I love this cat, but he’s making me batty.