yeahimadork.com

That is a question that I have been asking myself for months now. I’m not sure what’s happening with her - if she’s miserable, or if we’re growing apart. I don’t think it’s the latter, because even though she drives me crazy, and pisses me off, at the core, we’re still the same dorky 14 year-olds we were when we met. We can still sit and talk for hours and hours, and we can still giggle about things that aren’t funny to anyone but us.

But at the same time, I notice that she’s different than she used to be. She’s unsympathetic. She’s mean-spirited. She’s competitive, and not in a good way. She’s lazy. She doesn’t care. She’s over-dramatic. She’s making things up. I could go on about all the things that have happened in the past few months to make me say those things, but, well… I don’t want to look like I’m railing on my best friend, and I don’t want to put so much of her personal business out there, since I don’t even let her read this, so I don’t think it’s fair. But I don’t know what’s happening to her, and if I even get close to bringing it up, she gets hyper-defensive, and gets very angry.

I know that I’m not the sunniest person to have around. But I’ve always been this way. I’ve always been snarky, and caustic, and uneasy around people. If anything, I’ve changed in the last year and a half. And, in a weird way, I don’t know if maybe what’s happening with us is that the dynamic is shifting - I’m getting smaller, and she’s getting bigger. I’ve always been fatter than Kay, and now we’re the same size. And I’m getting smaller. And, as crazy as I think it sounds, I can’t help but wonder if she somehow feels threatened by that. And that hurts me, because I think, wouldn’t my best friend want me to be happy, especially after watching me be fucking miserable because of my weight our ENTIRE friendship? I don’t know.

I wish I did know what she’s so mad about.

This isn’t very fun Friday talk.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

I am a television whore. This is not news.

So it should not shock any of you when I admit that I become very attached to my characters, and am greatly affected by things that happen to them. I also sometimes think (or hope) that perhaps the actor that portrays the character I love might, in some way, possess the same personality traits that I love so much about the character they portray. I know, that this, of course, NEVER HAPPENS (except in the case of John Krasinski, who is smart, and funny, and sweet, and sensitive, and sarcastic - just like Jim. I REFUSE to believe otherwise. I will not. Take your filthy lies someplace else).

Take, for instance, this latest example: Isaiah Washington, who (allegedly) referred to Patrick Dempsey as a “faggot just like” another actor on the show (I’m guessing it’s the guy who plays George, since he came out RIGHT AFTER THAT STORY BROKE) during filming of Grey’s Anatomy. I find this dispicable for a few reasons. Number one, he referred to someone as a faggot, which is a hateful and derrogatory term. Number two, he’s insulting the gay person on the set for (what seems like) no reason whatsoever, except to disparage Patrick Dempsey at the expense of his sexuality. And number three, you’d think that a black man - who’s likely been subject to some unfair prejudice in his life himself - might be a little more open-minded about labels placed on people. I guess not.

When Grey’s Anatomy started blowing up, a few of the cast members were on Oprah, and I remember saying to myself, God, that guy seems like a pompous ass. He’s awfully full of himself. He’s a fucking actor. He’s not healing the lepers.

Then I saw him on The View a few months later. Same thing. Same bloated ego, same self-righteousness.

I don’t know this guy personally, so maybe he really is a nice guy. Or maybe he’s a homophobic horse’s ass - and there’s no law that says he can’t be. But he should be smarter than to go screaming at people when you work in an industry where everything you do is going to be reported to the media.

Maybe someone should give Mr. Washington Mel Gibson’s number.