Fun with flight delays.
Hi!
I’m still alive, in case any of you jerks were wondering. (Actually, I have to give thanks to Chickpea, who actually DID express concern for my whereabouts.) To be honest, I planned on updating over a week ago, but the shit hit the fan, and I went to Virginia on the 13th, so I didn’t have time. (Some crap went down at work that I’ll write about later.)
I am happy to report that my mom is 100% cancer-free, and doesn’t have to undergo any further treatment after her surgery. Hallelujah. She’s doing ok now, but her hormones are completely (and expectedly) out of control, and that is not good for my control-freak of a mother. She’s handling it better each day, but my poor dad must be hating life, not knowing which wife he’ll get at any given moment.
As mentioned, I went to Virginia to spend Valentine’s Day with Scott. My flight was out of Long Beach Airport at eight in the morning, and as soon as I got there, I sat down in the terminal and saw this:
We couldn’t take off until the fog lifted, which took, oh, about three hours. So I went to the news stand, bought the Rolling Stone with Britney on the cover, and prepared for the boredom that would be sure to follow. I read the Britney article (which was nothing I didn’t already know, since I read about a thousand gossip blogs - except the part where Justin Timberlake told a bunch of guys to smell his fingers after he hung out with Britney while they were touring together - ewww) and then decided to pass the time knitting the scarf that I was supposed to already have finished so I could wear it in Virginia. Ha.
So I took my knitting out, and started working, and the guy next to me says, “Are you allowed to do that?”
“Do what?”
“Knit. At the airport.”
“Well, they let me through security, so I’m going to say yeah, it’s ok.”
“I didn’t think you could bring knitting needles with you. Aren’t they very sharp?”
“Well, they’re wood, not metal, and no, they’re not sharp. That pen in your hand is probably as sharp as my needle. Like I said, I got through security. And there’s a woman knitting down there, too. People are allowed to knit on planes now.”
“WELL. I didn’t know THAT.”
Dude, if fucking Al Qaeda is going to take down a JetBlue flight, it’s not going to be with a knitting needle.
There was a group of idiots sitting across from me - three women and one man. They all had Disney shit on, and had Disney shopping bags as their carry-on. I don’t know, maybe having lived here my whole life, I just don’t see the big deal with Disneyland, but these people take their vacation EVERY YEAR and go to Disneyland. All I could think was that I hated these people already, and that I couldn’t believe I was stuck here listening to their stupid fucking conversations, and thinking of all the over-priced crap they were bringing home with them, which was probably the same crap that they bought last year, and the year before.
Then they did something that drives me crazy. They started talking about movies, and how excited they were to get home so they could see Fool’s Gold, that sure-to-be-classic with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConnaughey. And then one them said, “Now, if Kurt Russell’s her dad, why is her name Hudson? Is that his real name?” Shit like this makes me INSANE, because the pop-culture/trivia dork in me starts screaming in my head, No, you stupid ignorant fuck! Goldie Hawn was married to Bill Hudson and had two kids before she hooked up with Kurt Russell! Don’t you pay attention to mindless Hollywood bullshit like normal people?!
I listen to a lot of talk radio, and when I hear people reporting wrong shit, I go nuts and want to pull over and call them and yell at them. But of course, I realize that makes me sound like a crazy person.
I accept that.
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I’m so behind at work, I don’t have time to write all that I want to, so I’ll just leave you with this:
They’re so happy that they know everything and no one else does. THEY are the only ones who know how to help people when they see an accident. Uh huh.
Don’t Tom and Will just look a little too cozy?
Tom: Ok, we’re going to go this event. I’m going to dress up Kate to look like she’s 45, and you dress Jada like she’s not a man-hating robot.
Will: Awesome!
Tom: Then, we’ll have the women sit on either side of us, and you and I will sit next to each other. If we have the beards wives with us, no one will notice when I have my hands down your pants.
Will: Awesome! I love L. Ron Hubbard!
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